Caveat Auditor
Profile: Lipstick Conspiracy

By Christopher Craig

Shhh … Caveat Lector’s Music Editor, Christopher Craig, talks with members of the 
all-tranny band Lipstick Conspiracy … but don’t mention this to anyone … people are listening …

The conspirators arrived in pairs at my humble abode in San Francisco’s crusty and all-too-hip Mission District. Sarafina and Tori rang the buzzer first. I greeted them and escorted the two up the long stairway, to the living room where twinkle lights and silent movies dazzled our eyes and warmed our cheap and horrible souls. Knowing full well that their parking experience was nothing short of a nightmare, I set about providing them with the finest in alcoholic beverages. As I fumbled getting the recording equipment together, Sarafina did a last check on her makeup and Tori read a clipping exposing my late ‘80s “performance art” days. 

CC:	What’s been your best gig so far?

Sarafina M:		Our show at El Rio last January was awesome, but we really hit our stride at a benefit show we had there last November.
We were all feeling very amped; whereas we used to be very focused, very rehearsed, that November show made a difference because that’s when we really loosened up.

	Tori T:			Yeah, it takes some time to find your
				stage feet. We were a bit rusty when we
				first started the band; we were mainly focusing
on the songs and the music, without paying much attention to anything like stage presence.

	CC:			Do you all switch off singing the songs, so 
nobody is “the star” or anything? Who sings the most songs?

	Sarafina M:		I do, about 55 percent of the songs.

Tori T:			We all write the songs, and two of the girls, Marilyn and Shawna switch off on the bass.

	CC: 			And you do keyboards, Tori, and you do
				guitars, Sarafina … so no drummer?
 
Tori T:	No drummer, the machine is very reliable.

CC:	I love drum machines.

Sarafina M:	Yeah, the downside is, with a real drummer, you can hit them up for a round of drinks.

CC:	More beer for you, girls?

The buzzer from hell sounds off: it’s Shawna and Marilyn. I bring them upstairs, thankful that they made their way through the Latina girl gangs down the street unscathed. As the stereo plays a rather trashy collection of early 80s treasures provided by my supplier DJ Bus Station John, I keep the refreshments coming and serve a scrumptious sheet of focaccia bread from Lucca’s on Valencia Street. With all the band members seated on the couch, I take some photographs …

CC:	I’m gonna take some pictures, you all look good. Sorry for the flash. So you guys just got out of rehearsal? Where do you practice?

	Sarafina M:		We have a rehearsal space in Hunter’s Point.

CC:	So who writes the lyrics, you all do?

Sarafina M: 		Yes, we all collaborate.

CC:			Do you have any lyrics on your Web site?

Sarafina M:		No, we don’t.

CC:			It would be great to have some of your
			song lyrics to publish along with this
			interview in Caveat Lector.

Sarafina M:		I’ll see what I can do, there are some issues with 
copyrights and such …

Shawna L:		This movie is great, what is this? Is this silent?

Tori T:	It’s “Son of the Sheik” with Rudy Valentino.
 
Marilyn M:	So can you tell me a little more about your magazine? 

CC:	It’s a literary and arts magazine, I’m doing a review of rising stars in the San Francisco music scene and you all are going to be my first celebrity profile. 

Marilyn M:	Great, that’s cool, thank you. So you and Sarafina worked together?

CC:	Yeah, a search engine. Happily that’s all behind us now. Sarafina has some photos of our last outing, which was a while back …

Sarafina M:	Last year, Fleet Week. 

Tori L: 	Oh ,I saw those photos, that was your coming out of retirement thing, wasn’t it?

CC:	I just luvz me some sailor mens.

Tori L:	I remember a few years back during Fleet Week a couple of young sailors tried to chat me up …

Sarafina M:	They’re all fags.

CC:	I hear the sailors are tops and the Marines are bottoms.

Marilyn M:	I guess that means my dad was a top, that’s good to know. 

CC:	Are you guys all around the same age?

Marilyn M:	I’m 39 in girl years.

CC:	Well y’all look good for a bunch of old hags! Are you going to be touring soon?

Tori T:	Well, LA is fun, we’re looking into maybe playing down there some more. We have some connections there, in West Hollywood …

Sarafina M:	Basically, once we finish the record, we can see about traveling. We have the connections, we just want to see how the record sales do. There’s also the cost of touring, you know, hauling equipment around …

Tori T:	We’ve actually had great fun when we travel and play together. We like to tour.

CC:	Really, no fights? I guess because you don’t have a drummer. 

Sarafina M:	No fights, just pantyhose everywhere.

CC:	What about the Folsom Street Fair?

Sarafina M:	We missed out on last year—we had some issues with registration timing—but this year we’d like to do it for sure. We had a great show at the last Queerpalooza.

CC:	How do youngsters react to your music, you know, the Justin Timberlake set?

Shawna L:	We mostly get the middle-aged to older crowd for our shows—they seem to get it, although there were some youngins at our last gig. 

Tori T:	They seemed to like us. I guess there are some aspects of our music that might be old-fashioned, since we write songs with actual melodies and harmonies.

Sarafina M:	We’ve been described as having a “big ‘80s” sound.

Tori T:	That’s mostly because of the synths.

Sarafina M:	It’s easy to look at us and say, “Oh, that’s glam,” because of the makeup, but it’s more than that.

Marilyn M:	Can I just say one very important thing: we are not a drag band, OK? We actually do like to be girls as often as we can. It’s just us. 

Tori T:	It goes with the territory, the, you know, labeling. If we get any exposure, it’ll be because of the cross-dressing. Nobody is going to ask us about the inspiration for this or that song, it’ll always be like “Do you have a penis?” or “Are you gay?” Things haven’t changed that much since Boy George and the early ‘80s.

CC:	I hope you all go on tour soon, and that you find someone to videotape it. More beer, girls?

 As the evening progressed and the beer ran out, I had to call it a night for my lovely guests. I really was expecting a very rowdy group of obnoxious trannies, taking over my apartment for an hour and wreaking havoc, but what I met were some very subdued, polite, and serious musicians who just happen to be trannies. Look for their first CD, to be released in April. Concert dates, photos, and downloads are available at the band’s official site, www.lipstickconspiracy.com.